Dad, all the way

 Chant sound bar husband, the coffin was slowly falling into the grave, as I knelt down, do not see the foot of the muddy, heavily bowed to my father off. Do not know my father can not receive, but I would rather believe that my father did not disappear, he just went to another world we do not know, still enjoying our love. even so deceive yourself, you still can not reduce the trace of sadness. because since then, I will no longer see to the father can no longer listen to his jokes, for his face and shave.
finally know what it feels like the Heartbreakers, and finally realize the taste of farewell. This is not just a few days tears as their own, they often unknowingly tears water the guests. calm sometimes have trouble even talking to people, but suddenly thought of this time talking to who can stay with my father, tears welling immediately.
fact, I have so far could not believe my father really never left us. many times to eat the car, people just do not ask people to Qi, I will blurt out, that the father will always be missed, we can no longer give my father a folder dishes and chopsticks, add a spoonful of soup. that feeling, in the past listening to the others, can not fully understand, only personal experience, they would understand how much pain. This experience is a life experience, but I hate how this experience.
father went away, very calm, do not see any great pain, but the last day, the eyes have not see anything , the only large open, I do not know looking at what the night would not shut. He is not want to leave, he is reluctant to the warm world, home to relatives. He struggles with the madness of a full six months illness, never compromise , never give up, even all the hospital staff have lamented father's strong. the last two months, the cancer has spread to the esophagus, and my father has been completely unable to eat something, every day can only be maintained by transfusion. As the disease spread and long-term infusion of reasons, my father's blood is already very fragile, has tied up a few times each transfusion to be successful. but he had never heard sing, but also with a weak voice to comfort nurse.
until the last day morning, his mind is not very vague, in the sober, he has only said that two security, home. we all know, home is the last wish of my father. Dad said to go home, is back home, he born and raised in the home. He went out from the youth to study, has been away for several decades, at home, but still the final destination of his mind. teenager, my father's family is very poor, my father was the eldest son and several brothers sister. grandparents are open-minded person, could not bear his son illiterate, so for him through high school. but it can not afford the cost of the University to continue my father was. grandmother on my father say, did not object to his home on the college, university costs, but had to fend for themselves. Thus, from the college, the father would not be a holiday. other students had gone home with their parents when the father can only find around the city the school is located unskilled laborer's work, for their next semester's tuition and living expenses for physical exertion. Since then, home of the father, it is pieces of a very luxury thing. was working, and my father is a desperate man, is painstaking work, and even their homes are too busy to think small, home, and even less time to go back. until retirement, just bring her mother back to the old father who lives a few years. can this time, my grandparents long gone, and my father back, just a shell of the house. father must be very sad it was. until today, I wish, so profoundly to the tree while the wind blows, the child wants his parents is not in pain, the kind of powerless. I think my father was living in an old house, there will be my feeling right now?
lived like that for a few years back from the old, my father then said, he will go back to go home, must be into the graves. At that time, we just listen, did not it personally. my father's body was so tough, who would have thought he would do anything happened? At the time I even chuckle, and my father did a lifetime of revolutionaries, but still engage in old feudal superstition to this. But today, I understand some of my father, he probably just wanted to stay with my grandparents lives and living, to make up his regret for all these years, right? as we to think again to accompany my father for a while, even if it is then cut his nails, wipe the body yet. can no longer, we see only his tomb, grief can only air sustenance. < br> we can do, can only be a last wish was father, Fu Ling home with grandparents or so long. Finally, the father points a stick of incense, kneeling in the grave four head knock. Dad, we leave, we can not stay here with every day you. But we'll be back. You are here, here is our home. Huijia we will look for you weed, sweep, for your point cigarette, pour a glass of wine. Dad, Croatia has Feng Gong, a reflection of your life. Your spirit, we do children, as you do, if not perfect, but we will try to learn from you, make a upright, honorable man.
Dad, you too tired, rest it.